Things That (don't) Work: Sigg Steelworks Bottles

I love the canteen. A durable, re-useable, highly portable water container. It shouldn't be all that hard to get it right. Apparently it might be harder than I thought. Last August I got a H2Go canteen while in Colorado at the Wild at Heart Boot Camp. The only thing that irritated my about that bottle was that it only had 24oz of capacity. I found myself draining the bottle before my need for water was quenched. I wanted a quart/liter sized bottle and after accidentally destroying the H2Go canteen, I began a search for a replacement that would fit my needs. Unfortunately, I didn't search long enough.

What I found was a very visually appealing canteen. The bottle got my attention based on its description and its name, Sigg's Steelworks. It sounded like something a guy named Sven hammered out of hot iron. The canteen has a thick ring at the top where the threads are and seemed to be build from robust steel. The twist cap had easy to grip surfaces and a think aluminum ring that would be easy to attach to a carabiner or lanyard. The canteen looked tough. Very tough. Maybe I would get years of rough service use out of it. Maybe I would have discovered a truly great water bottle that my friends would be envious of. Maybe.

Disappointment began upon arrival. It looked like it had been hit lightly with a ball-peen hammer about a dozen times. Hmm. An eyebrow raised. But I was still excited and promptly washed it out and filled it up for first drink. I took off the twist cap only to discover that the cap had very fine threads on it. I began to sink into buyer's remorse. These fine threads require careful attention not to cross-thread upon closing the canteen. The prospect of having a rough use and durable water bottle was beginning to fizzle out. This canteen was more at home at the mall than a trail.

I imagined myself mowing grass on a scorching summer day. I've stopped for a quick swig and hastily re-stopped the bottle, cross-threading it along the way. The bottle tips over as I resume edging my driveway and its contents, the life sustaining water, the restorative nectar for physically depleted lifeforms all over the earth, drips slowly, but constantly out of the bottle. I return later, parched, to find an empty bottle lying next to a rather smug looking dandelion. Is it possible for a weed to laugh at you?

This was three months ago. Have I destroyed the bottle in that time? Not entirely. I have, with considerable respect for the fine thread of the cap, made a religion of re-stopping the bottle (No, no, no, my son. You must do it this way. Focus. Breathe deeply. Relax. Slow down. Gently twist the cap. It must feel smooth. If it fights you, you are out of sync with nature.) . After sacrificing a spotless black kitty-cat and following the above procedure to the "t", I've managed to keep the bottle alive for the time being. It does look a little worse for the wear, though.

It has been dropped a few times. The first major drop left a big ding on the bottom edge of the bottle. It looked like a reinforced area, but, rest assured, it's not. The second drop occurred at my daughter's tee-ball game a few nights ago. It must have landed on the (wait for it........) twist cap. I quickly picked up the bottle to get out of some other folk's way only to discover later that the "thick aluminum ring" had parted company with the bottle. Whatever their differences were, I was indignant about their separation and sought reunification post haste. After searching for about ten minutes, I found the aluminum part in the dust, but the carabiner that was attached to the ring was by then in the possession of some tee-baller or an older sibling. I wish they had taken my bottle instead. That carabiner was a good one...

After thinking about this bottle for a while now, I've concluded that it must have been originally designed to carry something besides water. It looks more like an MSR or Optimus white gas bottle than a water bottle. I'm not so sure that it wouldn't work better as a fuel bottle anyway. If I find out later that the threads are the same for an MSR bottle, I'm going to be ticked!

Verdict: Run far, far away from Sigg's Steelworks canteen. They do make other bottles, however. Hopefully they have nothing in common with this particular bottle. If I gave "stars" for my reviews, this product would get 1 out of 5. It does look cool, and it holds a lot of water, but it has none of the toughness that its name implies. I'll sell you mine really cheap...

Stihl Stuff

When it comes to outdoor power equipment for those O so manly tasks of weed trimming, blowing leaves and grass clippings off the driveway, and felling mighty trees, it is not uncommon to see the name Stihl and its ubiquitous orange encased trimmers, blowers, and saws performing the task. The Stihl folks have been in the business of vegitation anihilation for a long time and have managed to saturate the globe with their presence. In my region when one sees a lawn care truck en route to a job there is about a 75% chance that it will be carrying Stihl products. But why?

I would have to speculate that the reason is they work. Not much else to say. I guess I could speculate as to why 25% of the lawn care professionals around here use Echo, Shindiawa, or some other brand, but why waste that time?

I'd rather write about why Stihl convinced me to buy in and why I keep buying in. When I began looking for a new weed-wacker four years ago to replace the Weed-Eater that I thrashed while cutting weeds I had borrowed my wife's uncle's Stihl. It was the FS72 model, about 5-7 years old, and a curved shaft homeowner unit too boot. It also did the bulk of the work on the 1/2 acre brushy hillside job that managed to kill my Weed-Eater (after only one day!) To say that I was impressed would be an understatement.

I couldn't keep Uncle Doc's trimmer forever, so I saved my mowing money and began the search for my own trimmer. I looked in the local mower shops and checked out the brands they carried. What I discovered was that some manufacturers made only trimmers and blowers and they tended to be stupidly expensive. Some manufactures made complete lines of products, but their "tech data" was a bit hard to locate (i.e. they either didn't state how much power the device made or didn't tell you at all). Since Stihl made a full range of products in each catagory I began to lean in that direction. As I did more research on the topic I discovered that when you buy a Stihl product, it comes fully assembled and ready to go. They even fill out the warranty card and send it in for you. Not to mention that my dealer has been selling Stihl as long as I can remember and is an authorized service center. I was sold on Stihl.

So when I had saved up my money and selected the model I wanted I went down to Yeager's True Value to talk to Lance. Thirty minutes later I was the proud owner of an (now discontinued) FS80R. It is important to note here that Stihl and other manufacturers are working to comply with emission regulation that has crept into the small motor world. They are making very small 4-cycle or hybrid motors that do not have the characteristics of a good old 2-stroke. My FS80R is a true 2-stroke. Currently Stihl makes a few models that are 2-stroke and several models in what they call 4Mix. Talk to your dealer to get a feel for what you would be most comfortable with.

The FS80R is a straight shaft trimmer with a 1.27 hp motor. Most trimmers in this price range of less than $300(when I researched them) were hovering around 1hp or not listing the power figure at all which is code for "we cannot tell you how little power it makes because you would buy something else if we did." The el-cheapo factor for this particular trimmer is that it has a cable driveshaft (like all curved shaft trimmers) instead of a solid steel shaft. This means that the trimmer cannot safely use a brush cutter blade. After seeing what its little brother did to that gnarly hillside with regular line, I had no problem conceding this point. It would be appropriate to mention here that the powerful motor this thing possesses is reason enough to don plenty of protective gear. I never operate this trimmer without safety glasses and hearing protection. And sometimes that is not enough. I would rather have a full face mask- rocks and trigs flung from the head of this trimmer hurt when they hit you at the speed of sound! It goes without saying that denim pants and boots are a good idea too.

I've used this trimmer for three full seasons now and we are working on a fourth. I've never had to pull more than three times to start it (even in the dead of winter on stale gas). I've lubed the cutting head and used real gas at the proper mixture. It cuts as good now as it did on day one. End of story, part I.

At the beginning of last season my hand-me-down Weed-Eater blower gave up the ghost. What to do, oh, what to do. Well to be perfectly honest, I did shop around, but not for too long. I wanted a blower that had vacuum ability as well. Stihl had two and I selected the more expensive one. It was more expensive because of a rubber mounted engine for less vibration and it had a more powerful motor than the other model. Once again this machine is easy to start, does what it's supposed to do, and is easy to maintain. End of story, part II.

One of the things I like most about our new house was the Man-cave located downstairs complete with a fire place. You can see where this is going. MUST HAVE CHAINSAW!!! Chainsaws are just cool. I guess one could postulate that the chainsaw is the modern equivalent of an axe or a sword. Whatever the theory is, or the technology level is, a man (or woman, I suppose) needs something to cut dead branches from trees or cut them down when they get in the way or die. And unless you just like paying someone to cut your firewood for you, it just makes sense to do it yourself with your own saw.

This being the case, I made my pilgrimage to Yeager's to check over their selection of saws. The conclusion I came to was that I needed two saws. I had one saw's worth of money so a tough decision was made. I went with the traditional MS250 with an 18 inch bar. It has a 45.4 cc, 3 horsepower motor and slices through blackjack oak like a knife through butter. My debate was between a lighter arborist's saw designed for limbing trees and a traditional saw. This type of saw is much lighter (while still powerful) and has a different handle arrangement than a traditional saw. I'll get that one down the road. I'm strong enough still to use the MS250 overhead so I think I can wait. End of story, part III.

The result is that I've got three pieces of equipment from the same manufacturer, one gas can, and a dealer that knows me by name and has yet to service any of the equipment he has sold me. I've got what I paid for and, anymore, that is saying something.

Is Stihl expensive? Yes, initially, it is. To compare Stihl with a brand like Echo, which is found in stores like Home Depot, but is also sold in professional mower shops, one finds that they have similar models and are priced similarly. By buying a machine in a Home Depot, or Lowes you give up getting a factory trained salesperson and the ability to get the machine serviced where you bought it. If it is not worth the stores time to make that investment to insure that I'm not getting a lemon and that it was properly assembled, I'm not willing to spend my money on that tool with them. Color me Stihl orange.

"34"

I just used a highly scientific method to determine the topic for my blog post today, my birthday, my 34th year. I took the book of the Bible that is the same as my name and looked up the chapter by the tens place and the verse by the ones place. This verse (Mark 3:4) happens to read, "Then Jesus asked them, 'Which is lawful on the Sabbath: to do good or to do evil, to save life or to kill?' But they remained silent." Oddly enough, it worked out to be an appropriate starter to this post. It fits my state of mind. "[T]hey remained silent."

My pastor and best friend said to his congregation last week that the number two problem in America, behind renegade males who renege on their responsibilities, is people who know what is right and don't do it. Willful disobedience is different from disobedience out of ignorance. Willful disobedience comes from the the self-centered nature of people. "[T]hey remained silent." "They" knew what was right. They knew that the Sabbath was created for man, not man for the Sabbath. They chose to ignore what God said was right and went along polluting and corrupting the worship of God.

The Wizard of Oz had everyone wear green glasses when in the "Emerald City." These glasses filtered everything the people there saw. Things that aren't green appear green when you are wearing green glasses. Things that are right appear to be wrong when you are wearing the wrong metaphorical glasses. Our paradigm of the world can be really messed up and we don't even realize it.

Since I've broached the matter of self-absorption, I'll continue down that path. The self-absorbed don't see the wrong they commit to other people. "What? Why is she so upset? What is her problem?" It never occurs to this person that they are the cause of this person's offense. I'm certain that we are all, to some extent, plagued by self-absorption to one degree or another. I certainly cannot claim immunity to this scourge. But, like anyone else, my heart breaks when the self-absorption of others has an effect on me. My pastor said in that same sermon that the miracle of salvation is not being saved. It is becoming others-centered. Self-less. Your soul is the easy part.

He Was Made That Way

Shlomo Weisel cautioned his young son Eliezer that he should not study the mystics until he was thirty, He survived the Holocaust and went on to be one of the great minds of our age.

Pablo Picasso's close friend committed suicide and he entered into his "Blue" period which was succeeded by his "cubism" period and he changed the landscape (pun intended) of art to this day.

Then, there is me.

I.

This year, the 34th one of my life, has been one of great upheaval. This tumult has been good and bad. As my birthday approaches it will put one calender year of time between the beginning of my journey to recover what was lost and now. How have I done? Like I said above, there has been good and bad. It's not an easy question to answer.

To save you some time by short-cutting to the end I'll say that I have discovered why I became the man I was. I realized the peril that I, my children, and my marriage were in as a result of this state. I took steps to remedy this area. I found out that the world is not receptive to a man being a man and that there are no short-cuts.

The Industrial Revolution really did a number on Western Civilization. In making great conquests in technology and comfort we gave up culture and pleasure. For the convenience of quantitative production we became specialists in skills that are, for the most part, incapable of sustaining life. The result of 200 years of moving away from a culture whose main attributes were tradition and subsistance is that we now have no tradition and self-indulgence as a collective goal of life.

Nearly everything has became industrialized in our modern lives. As I write this I am sipping on a Dr. Pepper. My workplace? In a "factory" school. The clothes on my back were made in Southeast Asia and my car in Japan. Our culture is based on things and absent of meaningful traditions.

The one corporate activity I am involved in that is scriptural, and, in my opinion, is as close to what the church was intended to be as any church I know of is still plagued on occasion with institutional thinking. How could it be otherwise? Our parents, their parents, and their parents before them have been increasingly lulled into mass institutionalization.

It is who we are now.

So I am sitting here in the middle of the most civilized nation on Earth, a civilized man.

Robert Bly in his book Iron John proposes that in the fairy tales, specifically the little known tale of "Iron John," we see archetypal (universal truths that transcend language and borders. Example: A doorway represents a transition to the unknown) truths about mankind. These archetypal truths are still evident in the "heathen" societies. We have forgotten them.

Paraphrasing Bly, he says that women have something inside of them that is innately feminine. Girls become women by simple maturation and being around other women. Boys, however, do not become men in the company of women or even other males within their age range. They must leave the woman- the mother- and enter into the active presence of older men. He goes to the father. He goes to uncles, grandfathers, tribal elders. Bly writes about societies where the boy goes to work with his father. He learns a trade and those things that, were we mountain lions or armadillos, we would know instinctively, and we have found to exist in the collective knowledge of human experience. The time the boy spends with men builds up to a crescendo of initiation. The boy ceremoniously becomes a man.

In most cultures this happens around the age of thirteen. What happens to our young men at thirteen? No, we can't ask that question yet. We have to look at how our society is working from the cradle onward. Dads-daughters.com cites 36.3% of children live without their biological father in the home. Derek Prince in his study on the issue concluded that the worst problem facing our nation is "renegade males." Not the deficit. Not any war we are engaged in or the economy but, as he put it, "renegade males."

By thirteen years of age a young man is likely to have a poor male role model or maybe not one at all. Even if he has a good father, he most likely doesn't have a father who takes him to work with him each day. Our life's work is often a mystery to our sons. We can't even explain it to them. So what does he do for initiation into manhood? John Eldredge says he turns to women for sex, brute strength for manliness, or checks out altogether into passivity. None of these offers any sort of validation or initiation into manhood. Oh it might feel manly to make love to a woman but she cannot initiate you into manhood. Remember, she can make a young lady into a woman and can identify manly characteristics in males, but her formative abilities stop there. Likewise a brute of a young man my learn to love the taste of blood and the feel of bone against bone, but the ability to fight well is possessed by all manner of beasts. That a man loves violence for the sake of violence is an indictment on the degraded state of manliness.

Bly says these males lack "the ability to shudder means feeling how frail human beings are, and how awful it is to be a Titan [Cronos, who castrated his own father and later ate his own children except for Zeus.]" To shudder is to be able to feel grief associated with the human condition.

The last group of males, those who check out of life and into a prison of multi-faceted atrophy, spend their lives with a growing numbness possessing them. The can't feel, love, or fight. They experience the world through other people's terms. Bly writes:

During the last thirty years men have been asked to learn how to go with the flow, how to follow rather than lead, how to live in a nonheirarchal way, how to be vulnerable, how to adopt consenus decision-making. Some women want a passive man if they want a man at all; the church wants a tamed man-they are called priests; the university wants a domesticated man-they are called tenure-track people; the corporation wants a team- worker, and so on. (Iron John, 61)

Males go to the woman to seek validation, males kill each other sans any emotion, males totally checked out of life. As my mentor said to me the other day, "[t]he man is the Christ figure [in the family] and he is the one who is attacked by the enemy." As military leaders the world over know, a wounded soldier requires more money, time, and manpower to deal with than a dead one. So our demonic adversary knows this as well. Wounded men require a tremendous amount of resources to deal with, heal, or put away.

My goal in writing this is not to come off as a misogynistic neanderthal- quite the opposite rather. Our society has been bent from its archetypal intent by a great scheme and a great number of us have been influenced by this scheme unawares. The extent of the damage is, to borrow Elie Weisel's statement, "on the level of creation." There is a reason that God made us distinguished by our sex and those differences are our strengths. A man is the leader of the house not by his will or that he is physically stronger than the woman, but because it is God's plan that he be the leader. He was designed that way.

John Eldredge proposes that he was designed to first be the Beloved Son, a cherished boy in whom his father takes great delight . He next grows into the Cowboy-an adventurer learning how the world works. As he enters manhood he becomes the Warrior. Literally he is the age of the soldier, all spit and vinegar and ready to take off on a grand adventure at a moments notice. At some point around thirty, he begins to settle down, to focus on the woman-winning the woman-the Lover it is called. As children come and his influence increases he becomes the King of his domain. As the kids grow up and leave and he approaches retirement he enters the stage of his greatest influence, the stage of the Sage.

The man is designed to be complete. He is designed to take risk, to lead men, to teach children, to fight for his family. He is not designed to be a servant to his base desires, nor to be a career pugilist, nor a doormat for the world to wipe its feet on. As I wrote in another post, he is a figure, who like God and state troopers, doesn't have to earn your respect. It is due him.

A Flexible Reading List

If you have noticed a common thread in the stack of books in the above illustration, you have got my drift. About five years and one month ago I picked up a copy of Edmond Morris's The Rise of Theodore Roosevelt in the lobby of a Houston, Texas Hotel. I knew virtually nothing of the 26th president. Morris opened my eyes. Roosevelt was a sickly rich kid who grew up to be a man of the world, a man's man, a man that was truly exceptional. I read the first book, hanging on every word, followed in short succession to Theodore Rex, chronicling Roosevelt's Presidential years. By this point I was enamored with Roosevelt and anxiously awaiting the release of third volume which I now have in my possession, Colonel Roosevelt.

Also in this stack is John Eldredge's The Way of the Wild Heart. I've read and been greatly influenced by his book Wild at Heart. This particular volume deals with the six stages of the masculine journey. It is fascinating to see these stages of men's lives carved out and explained. A boy needs to be the Beloved Son. He grows into the Cowboy and from there into the Warrior. As an adult, he becomes the Lover and progresses from there to the King. The last stage in the masculine journey is the Sage. Why is it important to know these things? Because as a father it is good to recognize where your son is at a given time. Becoming a man is not something that one can buy, not something that one can pass time and receive. Manhood is earned and it is bestowed by the company of other men. As an adult it is good to see where you may have been wounded on this journey. And best of all, it provides a way to restore what was lost, no matter what stage you are "supposed" to be in.

One of the books Eldredge cites with high frequency is Iron John, by Robert Bly. Bly is a scholar who is well versed in the genres of fairy tales and poetry. He analyzes the tale of "Iron John", a story where a "wild man" is found at the bottom of a pond, is captured, imprisoned, and released with the aid of a young man. He has researched the traditions of cultures throughout the world in the raising of boys into men. Western society has razed young men while the "primitive" cultures have young men who earn their manhood. It is a riveting account from a secular point of view that faults Western society and the Christian Church in the destruction of manliness as a virtue.

Also on the topic of gender roles are the two books on the bottom of the pile, The Daring Book for Girls and The Dangerous Book for Boys. These two books are full of history, activities, experiments, and advice- all geared for young men and women in the vein of cultural literacy and adventure. My impression of them so far is that they are a survival guide, in both a social and natural sense and a reference manual of great import for the elementary and middle school age child. I am anxious to see my kids explore these books.

I have made a pledge to read daily this year from Oswald Chambers' My Utmost for His Highest. This work is a daily devotional compiled from the devotionals Mr. Chambers delivered at the University where he worked. The devotionals are laden with meaning and well seasoned, if sometimes hard to swallow, bits of Biblical counsel. It is teaching me much in its daily application.

The only works of literature in the stack is the Elie Weisel Trilogy of Night, Dawn, and Day.

Night, the autobiographical account of Weisel, is his sickening tale his family being marched from the ghetto in Sighet, Romania, the separation of the men from the women (and the implied nearly immediate deaths of his mother and baby sister), the work and experiences of life in the camps, and his long road to liberation. I read this account to my sophomores to satisfy their non-fiction requirement. I hope they are as moved by it as I am. The two other works, Dawn and Day are works of fiction. Weisel says that to write about the philosophical and ethical issues brought up by the Holocaust lead one to write about the camps and he has already written Night... In Dawn he examines the role of the executioner. The executioner, who is a Holocaust survivor, is a part of a resistance movement in Israel who must execute a British soldier. It is a tale told in an abstract fashion and uses name allegory to make certain points. Clever, thought provoking, and sincere. Day takes the Holocaust survivor to post-war America and pits him once again in a struggle between life and death and uncertain future without the ability to trust people.

Not in the picture, but it should be is Abraham Joshua Heschel's The Sabbath. I've read the introduction (by Susannah Heshal) and the preface so far and can only describe the book in the terms that Heschel uses to describe the Sabbath, a sanctuary in time. Each sentence is pregnant with meaning and the hand of God. I've decided to read this book when I'm free of distraction so that it's counsel can be better absorbed.

I've got a lot of reading ahead of me. I feel sort of like I've enrolled in a 4000 level non-fiction course at the University- sans the pressure, plus the excitement of growth. Check out your local bookstore or Amazon if any of these intrigue you!

Metaphorically Speaking...

It is easy to talk about something in terms of a metaphor. It is sometimes difficult to give that metaphor real feet.

We often hear of the relationship with Christ and the church spoken of as a marriage. The Bible uses that very term to describe "supper-time in heaven." We are the bride of Christ, His reward when the Father says go get your bride.

Back to the metaphor part of this. If we are a "bride" how, pray tell, are we supposed to conduct our business? And, if this is the case, does this really apply to husband/wife relationships, too?

Paul, I agree, this is a profound mystery. When I look around to see people putting "feet to the Word," I see people who feel led to go to the (growing/trendy/spirit-filled/fill-in-the-blank) church across town. I see people who vote their pastor out on a whim. I see people who, when the preacher says something that offends them, they stop paying their tithes.

I see people who are treat their marriages the same way.

Is it any wonder that people attend the same church for about the same amount of time their marriage lasts? Some would say that the latter has a good deal to do with the former. I say that we (myself included) have a great deal of distance to go before we get to the point where we realize the full import of what Paul wrote in his letter to the Ephesians.

God is not going anywhere. We have to learn to deal with that. We have to learn to feel the weight of that statement. God doesn't divorce his bride. He doesn't contort and mangle Himself to draw his rebellious bride back to Him. He stands. We learn from him. We humble ourselves to admit our fault. We seek reconciliation and accept His terms.

Men are fallible. Your preacher is not perfect. Your husband is not perfect. But this no one can change: the responsibility for the congregation, and by extension, his family lies solely upon his shoulders. If he is in error, it is his fault and not yours. The church has methods in place to correct preachers who are in error and those methods apply to husbands as well. In other words, if what he is doing is not in line with The Book, there is an action plan to take.

"[A]nd his sheep follow [their shepherd] because they know his voice." (John 10:4)

The sheep don't select their shepherd. They don't rove about looking for a better shepherd, trying this one and that. They listen for his voice. They follow him to water, to food, to rest.

In doing so the shepherd is made happy. And he is even more delighted when one who was lost is found.

Like God, a man is a force to reckon with. He needs to stand. His weight needs to be felt by those around him. He doesn't need to be a bully. He needs to know what direction he is leading his family. He needs to make sure his family is safe and protected along the way so those who would hurt them will feel his weight in the most appropriate manner.

We have to learn to deal with this.

Too bad it wasn't God's idea.

My pastor tells the story of a famous minister

who had a great idea. The idea was revolutionary, highly effective, and not God's idea. Talk about taking the wind from your sails. God told him, "That is a great idea, too bad I didn't give it to you." Permission to proceed denied. Start over. Go back to the drawing board. Or, he might avoid the drawing board altogether and check with God as to what he should be doing. Now there's a novel idea.

Jesus said, "Seek me first." Gulp. What we humans typically do, as my pastor's wife pointed out, is dot all the "i's" and cross all of the "t's". Our inner narrative goes something like this:

"Ok, I want to make 6 figures so I need an MBA- preferably from a good school. Once I work my way into a good company, I'll need a trophy wife, to live in the right neighborhood, join the right church/country club/civic organization...."

And we will not once ask God where he wants us. We implore His intervention when the house of cards we have built comes crashing down. We are in the emergency room needing marriage counseling, financial help, and a real relationship with God. No doubt He will be there to help you, but His best is not the "miracle". His best for us is to listen to what he has been saying all along.

Yes, we should seek God when we have a choice to make. Think of all the marriages you know of that have failed. Might it be said that those couples entered into that contract ill-advised?

To quote Dr. Phil, "How's that working for you?"

God began to speak with me concerning a decision I had made (to be clear, He was speaking the whole time). I had taken action on what I thought I should be doing. As it turns out those actions were going over like the proverbial lead balloon. "Too bad it wasn't my idea," God said to me.

It never feels good to admit that you were wrong and this was no different. I had to admit to myself that I had not sought first the Kingdom, I had to admit that I had lost valuable ground and time in not going the direction God wanted me to go. Like a lost hiker, I had to retrace my steps and unearth the trail. I'm seeking what God wants as opposed to what I want.

To put the verse that I'm alluding to in context I quote Matt 6:25-34

^"25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷ Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life^{a]" style="font-size: 0.75em; line-height: 0.5em; ">[a]}?

²⁸ “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹ Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰ If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? ³¹ So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ ³² For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³ But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

Jesus tells us that so long as our intent is to seek and do His will, our needs will be taken care of. I'll have what I need (more than enough, I'm sure) and I'll have nothing to worry about. If I have the faith that He's given me salvation, is it too much of a stretch to believe that He wants to guide me and in that guiding He will take care of me?